It Had Been Two Weeks

It had been two weeks, two glorious weeks of travel, fun and exhaustion. She had experienced so much more than she had imagined she would. She returned home a wreck. But what's happiness if it doesn't show, right? I say, if it doesn't leave you bedraggled and begging for mercy, it's not happiness.

 

"Stop! Stop! I'm happy! I'm happy, I tell you! I don't need any more happiness! AAAHHH!"

 

That's what happiness is all about!

 

So she returned home, a wreck, feeling like all the energy was still being sucked out of her ever-continuously withering frame. If she didn't eat a whole cow, drink the entire Niagara and sleep for a month she'd soon be a shriveled prune. (Not necessarily in that order.)

 

"Now I know what a grape feels like when it turns into a raisin" she thought dryly. "It's a very uncomfortable feeling"

 

Her raisins nodded in agreement as they reminisced about a time that was. Their sense of loss was profound.

 

As her exhaustion slowly drained all other thoughts from her mind she realized that a very integral part of her had died.

 

Her phone.

 

Her sense of loss was profound.

 

She plugged it in, switched it on and then collapsed on her bed.

 

She sank into Slumber.

 

"Get off the bed, Slumber!" she said and wacked Slumber with a pillow. "Stupid dog" she thought to herself. "I really should have got a ………ZZZZZZZZZ"

 

It was a dark and spooky night. If it was any other place everyone would be indoors in their beds, snug asleep while escaping the horrors that crept through the night. Ghosts, vampires and mysterious, middle-aged, banayan-clad men named Pappu were up and about.

 

But this was Mumbai. "Inside?... Bed?... What are these things you speak of?" they would say as they bustled about till the early hours, when another group of sanity deprived individuals would take their place. In the course of the night a few of their number would disappear mysteriously. These individuals were either abducted by the Supernatural, or Pappu, or the Supernatural in cohorts with Pappu, or - rarely enough, but known to happen- a Supernatural Pappu.

 

Do not try to imagine that. As I said, they were mysterious.

 

Or they just had to take care of "Business."

 

Few noticed when they disappeared. And few were ever found. Most were relegated to the gory unsolved mystery section of shady bookstores.

 

Yes, shady bookstores.

 

These bookstores are shady for exactly this reason. They contain gory unsolved mysteries.

 

But she was oblivious to all this as she slept. Little did she know that her quiet little world was about to be disrupted violently and thrown into chaos, confusion, caramel and mixed about vigorously with a spatula meant for far less vigorous things.

 

Her phone rang.

 

She woke with a start.

 

Her phone rang again. It made an ominous sound. It was the title theme of the X-files.

 

It pulsed with an eerie light.

 

She was afraid. And a little disoriented.

 

She did the unthinkable. She pressed the green button.

 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

….was the sound that eminated from the other end.

 

It pierced through the night like the needle of a tattoo artist through his victim's skin and like the scream of the victim through the tattoo artists' earsdrums.

 

She recoiled in shock.

 

She was unprepared for this so soon after her trip.

 

She knew it would happen eventually. Sooner or later they would track her down and come for her. She should never have switched on her phone again.

 

She was never safe.

 

"YOU'RE BACK!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M SOOO HAPPEEEEEEE! YOU'RE BACK AHAHAHAHA EEEEEEEEEEEE *pause for breath* OH JOY EEEEEEEEE!!! DON"T EVER LEAVE AGAIN C.C! HAPPEEEEE SO HAPPEEEEEEEE……."

 

At this outpouring of emotion animals awoke and fled for miles around, birds did not just migrate early for the winter but emigrated. Some had to get married under false pretences and risked ending up in jail but anything was better than the alternative of returning. Oh, the Horror!

"I uhhh gnnhhhrr missed …*yawn*…….you too" said C.C.

 

"I knew you would!" Said Kay. "Oh I'm soo excited you're back!"

 

"Uhhnn….me too…"

 

"I have soo much to tell you! SO much has happened! And you must have SO much to tell me? Where have you been? What did you do?" And then with a grin so large that C.C almost saw it over the phone. "Did you bring PRESENTS?"

 

"Uuuhhhhhnn ghhnnnrr....meet…..tomorrow.....presents…talk…coffee…sleep….ZZZZZZ"

…..is all C.C. managed to say.

 

The phone fell from her hand.

 

Kay continued chatting for 45 minutes before she realized something was amiss.

 

 

The Next Day

 

In the evening C.C. headed towards the coffee shop earlier than had been decided. She couldn't dare be late. If she was late, then the pent up energy and excitement of her friend might reach volcanic proportions. As she walked she experienced a strange nagging apprehension about their meeting.

 

Kay was already there. She had arrived sometime after lunch. She had put up decorations and had placed strategically on a few tables nine and a half handmade cards.

 

She had brought 15. But some of them had been damaged in the struggle between her and the coffee shop staff when they tried to remove them.

 

"It seems that coffee shop staff aren't very conducive to decorated reunions occurring on their premises." She thought. "must remember for future reference."

 

But after she climbed onto a table and declared her undying faithfulness and friendship to C.C in no less than 26 stanzas of verse and 3 haiku's, all created on the spot while dodging 2 brooms, a mop and 5 vacuum sealed packages of coffee beans wielded by the staff, they gave in to her demands realizing that they could not prevail and that she was basically their main source of income.

 

Kay then salvaged her décor and cards and while partaking in some well earned refreshment proceeded to write WELCOME BACK C.C. on all the napkins

 

……in the whole shop.

 

All 1500 of them.

 

As C.C approached she saw her friend from a mile away. Kay was literally jumping with excitement. C.C still wondered what was bothering her.

 

Then saw the decorations. "Oh Hell!" she thought. But her worry had stemmed from somewhere else. Then she spotted the cards. "Oh dear." She thought. But that wasn't her source of apprehension.

 

Finally her eyes came to rest on the 6 empty cups of coffee that Kay had consumed in the span of a few hours.

 

"OH TRIPLE DECKER CRAP CAKE!"

 

Her friend was wired. Wired like a ticking bomb.

 

It was then that Kay spotted her. And all hell broke loose.

 

"EEEEEEEEEEE" she screamed as she ran towards C.C. with unearthly speed that only elves were rumored to possibly possess.

 

C.C. was rooted to the spot like a deer while her friend approached her with all the restraint of an oncoming car.

 

"Finally! Proof that elves exist" was the one of thoughts that ran through C.C.'s mind. The other was "F**K!"

 

Time seemed to slow down. C.C. saw Kay approach. Yet she could not move. Fear ran through her entire being.

 

She noticed the coffee fueled crazed look in Kay's eyes. She saw Kay's lips mouth words in slow motion and heard her voice say in a strangely slowed and bass tone.

 

"WEEELLCOOOMMMMEE BAAAAAAACK!"

 

And with a great effort Kay launched herself into the air and at C.C. in what others later refered to as the superhuman-ninja-flying-hug….thing.

 

C.C. had no chance. She raised her arms in defense against the projectile that zoomed towards her. And in one fluid motion Kay landed on, hugged and completely enveloped C.C. while her momentum brought them both to the ground. Kay was literally smothering her with affection.

 

"Mmmnnnn geeroffeee! Geeroffeee! hi can-n breeedh" Was the muffled sounds that escaped from under Kay.

 

"YOU'RE BAAACK! YAY! I'm SO HAPPIEEEE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! EEEEEE……" were the sounds that escaped Kay.

"Heealy kay I can-n breedh! I can-n  *gasp* UUHHH *attempted sharp intake of breath*"

 

In her excitement Kay took no notice.

 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" she said.

 

All that was visible of C.C. was her hand protruding from under Kay. It struggled to find a hold on a something that could help. Alas neither was a breathing apparatus nor a sharp rock lying around.

 

The coffee staff had come running after Kay. She hadn't paid yet. They tried to pull C.C. out from under her. But Kay's affections held true.

 

The groping hand reached, spasmed and then fell to the ground unmoving.

 

Then it spasmed again, reached, spasmed for the third time, and then fell to the ground unmoving.

 

It did not move again.

 

Only then did Kay realize what she had done.

 

"ARRRRGGGGH ….C.C.! SPEAK TO ME! SAY SOMETHING. AAAAHHHH WHAT HAVE I DONE!....AAAAAARGHHH!" screamed Kay while holding C.C. by the neck and attempting to shake her to life.

 

"ARRRRGH *violent shaking* WHAT HAVE I DONE *violent shaking* WHYHAIHAI!! *violent shaking* YOU CAN"T DIE NOW! *violent shaking*NOT AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH! *violent shaking*…NAHIII!! MAAAA!......etc"

 

In a pause caused by Kay being otherwise occupied with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, C.C. managed to speak briefly.

 

"alive….barely….. hospital…."

 

"EEEEEEE! YOU'RE ALIVE! ALIVE! HAHAHA"

 

And in her joy Kay gave C.C. the greatest hug she had ever given anyone in her whole life. Considering the kind of enthusiastic and affectionate person Kay was, this was a rather grave thing to do.

 

For Kay had succeeded in hugging the last breath of life out of C.C.

 

It escaped from her with a little squeak.

 

Kay was inconsolable for months.

 

C.C. can now be found in a gory and unsolved mystery section of a shady bookstore in Mumbai.